


a bit of crude humor

by boldly (techburst)



Series: that's it! ( i've come up with a new bit of nonsense ) [1]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Gen, gladio thinks he's hilarious, ignis is about to have an aneurysm, young boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-27 04:56:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9968135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/techburst/pseuds/boldly
Summary: prompt: "idk something ridiculous and cute with husbands. thatcoffee slut magnetor smth.""Is it the word 'slut' bein' used derogatorily, or the idea that you'd put out for coffee?"





	

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to susan for this one, forever the ignis to my gladio. c:

Ignis looks like he's a good handful of seconds away from having an aneurysm. Granted, there's nothing on the surface of his expression that gives rise to _anything_ like it, but for someone that has spent the past couple of years familiarizing himself with all the little nuances that make the difference, "deadpan" could just as easily mean "I'm going to do unspeakably horrific things to your person while you sleep" if one were to look close enough. _So_ , there might be nothing different in the passive line of his mouth, the slight narrowing of green eyes or the loose way his arms are folded over his chest, but to one ( 1 ) Gladiolus Amicitia — 

Ignis looks like he's a good handful of seconds away from having an aneurysm. And one ( 1 ) Gladiolus Amicitia is trying like hell not to laugh. Trying, and failing absolutely miserably, if the way his shoulders are visibly shaking despite the hand he has clamped over his mouth is any indication at all. 

"It's not funny."  
"I think it's hilarious."  
"You _would_."

Of course he would, as is evidenced by the presence of the aneurysm-inducing object in question; small, round and unassuming, it takes up less space than that of a coin in the palm of a hand, red background with white lettering, placed right in the middle of one of the other's refrigerator doors. It's the only thing decorating the space, the only thing that adds any measure of color to the otherwise starkly-clean, immaculate room, and the guardsman doesn't quite understand Ignis' upset, if only because it goes above and beyond adding a touch of character that isn't lent by stacks of reports in their proper folders. 

Then again, one might wonder how much character a novelty magnet bearing the words "coffee slut" is even capable of adding to _any_ space. 

He'd seen it in passing, out of the corner of his eye on his way back from running an errand for a fussy little sister that had _demanded_ they have a certain dessert for after dinner — and one might think that it had been the word "slut" that had caught his attention, taking into consideration the thought processes that have a tendency to run the gamut in the adolescent brain. ( The _male_ adolescent brain, at that. ) But ... nah. Association with a certain nerd has him paying close attention to anything and everything coffee-related, and he'd stopped short, backtracked. Nearly laughed himself _stupid_ in the middle of the street, and there hadn't been a damn thing that could have convinced him to leave it where he'd found it. 

Which is why it's now in the middle of Ignis' refrigerator, and Ignis himself is running through a list of reasons why it would _not_ be okay to do bodily harm to the future shield to the king. Beside him, Gladio nudges him with an elbow, still grinning like the fool he's occasionally known to be. 

"You don't think it's even a _little_ funny?"  
"Since when have you known me to find the humor in anything so crude?"  
"Is it the word 'slut' bein' used derogatorily, or the idea that you'd put out for coffee?"  
"It's _offensive_."

He tries, again not to laugh, and has to bite down on the inside of his cheek to keep from making a sound. ( At least he's trying, _he's trying_ , okay, and that should stand for something, right?

... Right? ) 

There's a moment of silence that stretches across what little distance there is between them, and when Gladio chances a look in the other's direction, he can see the way his jaw works and _knows_ he's just short of grinding his teeth. If he keeps that up, he'll have a headache for the rest of the night, but he'll *still try to get through those stacks of reports* and end up a miserable mess that inevitably gets dragged to bed by the back of his shirt at three in the morning because "a nap's better than nothin', especially when you've gotta worry about gettin' his Highness up in time for his first class." ( Honestly, sometimes he doesn't understand how he does it; sit through all those council meetings, take notes that actually make sense, chauffeur their prince around from one engagement to the next and back again, all before he even thinks of taking a moment for himself, even if it's just to recharge. 

The empty cans of Ebony in the nearby trash can only serve as a testament to the thought process that had started this whole thing in the first place. ) 

He lets the silence stretch a little longer, the span of his next heartbeat and then he's leaning over, nosing first at the line of his jaw and then the rise of a cheekbone, an arm curling around the width of Ignis' shoulders. "You're _my_ coffee slut."

Silence still, and a roll of those vibrantly green eyes, but there's the smallest bit of _give_ in the way that lean body leans subtly into his own, shoulders tucked beneath that arm, pressed in just a bit more against his side as a small huff of breath is the only thing given as an initial response. 

"It's still crude."  
"But funny."  
" _Don't push it_."


End file.
